I had a seizure at about 3am in my sleep. It woke me up and I was conscious with no control this time, strange. I made a lot of yelping noises that woke my mum up and my right side was going a bit mental having a party on it’s own. I felt very dizzy and still do a bit and the let side of my head feels very hot. I think maybe it was my own fault as I’ve been staying up later.
I’m glad I know it not the tumour because I would be panicking now otherwise. I was snappy and verbally aggressive to my mum which I apologised profusely for not long after. I get like that often after seizures and it’s horrible because that’s the complete opposite of who I am. I get a lot of strong mood swings where I can get very snappy and agitated and want to be left alone. I know I just need to recover and get on with it and that’s what I plan on doing. This is my reality now, at least it’s happening at home more than it does in public. I have only had small seizures in public and people usually just think I’m drunk, rude, or a bit weird as my words get slurred, I become slow with everything I do, and I get strange sensations which are difficult to explain. Sometimes I feel as though I’m floating when out so I sit down and I get strange feelings in my face and parts of my body.
I’m not going to whinge about it now though, it’s part of my normal life and although after seizures I have a strong feeling of fragility and low self esteem, once I recover I become stronger mentally every time. The confidence usually take a while to get back but it does come back. This is where it would be very difficult if I was in a relationship. I’ve been single since just after diagnosis and although at times that was something I thought about a lot, in some ways it’s a relief because it’s a lot easier to hide this side of me to most people who don’t see me often. I can’t hide the symptoms that affect me every day but I can hide the big things and the bad days where I’m in bed all day with fatigue and migraines.